Candice

“I kissed a girl and I liked it.”

Name?

Candice C., but Lethal Lady V is my stage name.

Where did you grow up?

In the west end of Toronto in the Jungle – Flemington Park.

Were you brought up religiously, secularly or other?

For the better part of my childhood I was raised a Seventh-day Adventist. I am Christian.

Was there turbulence throughout your childhood or adolescence?

As a little girl growing up in the ghetto suffering from ADHD I definitely had a lot of turmoil in my life, whether from within the home or from outside factors.

Were you ever embarrassed about your development or puberty? If so why?

Was I ever embarrassed about my development?!?! Honestly, yes I was. I started growing boobs in Grade 4. By the time I was graduating from Grade 5 I was a 34D and taking my mother’s push-up bra to wear after she had left for work in the morning before school. (laughs)

Can you remember any key moments in your formative years that shaped you?

Growing up in a single-parent household my mother was the enforcer. After having me I was with her for three years before she had my sister and then, seven years later, she had my brother. I’ve always known that no matter what happens in life I would and will be able to take care of my own if need be. My mother showed me that even without the help of our fathers we could still have a good life together.

"I’ve had to hit rock bottom to realize that I don’t have to break my back for people who didn’t care about me." -Candice Photo by Jennifer Toole

“I’ve had to hit rock bottom to realize that I don’t have to break my back for people who didn’t care about me.” -Candice
Photo by Jennifer Toole

Any that shaped your perspective of women?

Once again, growing up in a single-mother household I was able to see the struggle of a woman and the hardships. This truly helped me appreciate the beauty of a woman. How she’s able to keep everything together with a smile on her face.

Of sexuality?

Unfortunately my innocence was taken from me at a very young age. But, as a result, it has showed me that we don’t always have to find love in the conventional manner. And also sexuality doesn’t have to be a taboo subject. It taught me to love who I am and my sexual preferences.

When did you become aware of your gender?

Partially from society, which delegates what color we should be wearing from birth: pink or blue scheme. (laughs) I would have to say around kindergarten when I had little boys running up to me and kissing me. (laughs)

When did you become aware of your own sexuality, were there any key moments?

When I kissed a girl and I liked it. I was about five years old and she was my mother’s friend’s daughter. We kissed in the closet.

What, if any, are the obstacles you’ve overcome on your path to womanhood?

Knowing that it’s ok to say “NO”. I was a yes girl for many years and was taken advantage of sexually, mentally, also financially. I’ve had to hit rock bottom to realize that I don’t have to break my back for people who don’t care about me. For me, that was a major obstacle.

Have you ever struggled with your sexuality?

In high school I definitely struggled with my sexuality. I was very attracted to a lot of my classmates who were female but the thing back then was not to be with women, it was to date guys. So I never dated in high school.

In high school I definitely struggled with my sexuality. I was very attracted to a lot of my classmates who were female but the thing back then was not to be with women, it was to date guys. So I never dated in high school.

Have you ever been embarrassed, burdened or ashamed of your sexuality? If so why?

I was very embarrassed about my sexuality and my interest in women growing up. It was a burden because I was taught that it was wrong for same-sex couples to marry etc. I was ashamed of who I was because I didn’t feel normal, but now that I am older I feel more normal than ever.

What is the image you think you project every day?

I would really like to think a strong confident black woman who’s got her shit together and is on her way. A caring individual. One who is loving, trustworthy and has a good head on her shoulders.

How would you describe your personal experience, existing in the way you do, each day?

I feel like I can do anything in the world, but there are major obstacles.

What do you think the image other people perceive is?

Over the years people’s perceptions of me have been both negative and positive. But because of my own struggle and my own obstacles in life I’ve been able to see that other people’s perceptions don’t really matter. My growth from within is what matters.

What is your political stance on women’s reproductive rights?

This is a really hard one for me. In every woman’s life she can make the decision to reproduce or to terminate depending on the circumstances.

Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

PRO-CHOICE. Every women has the right to choose who she bears children for.

"Every women has the right to choose who she bares children for." -Candice Photo by Jennifer Toole

“Over the years people’s perception of me has been negative and positive. But because of my own struggle and my own obstacles in life I was able to see that other people’s perception of me doesn’t really matter. My growth from within is what matters.” -Candice
Photo by Jennifer Toole

What are your feelings about contraceptives? Their availability, cost, stigma, usage?

I feel that practicing safe sex at a young age is very important. There are too many young women out there trying to find love in so many different places and getting pregnant by men, or should I say boys, who want nothing to do with them. It’s awesome that birth control is easily accessible and open for discussion nowadays.

What are your feelings on casual sex?

Go big or go home! (laughs)

Are you in a relationship(s)?

I’m single and giving myself room to grow.

What are your feelings on marriage?

I think it’s great for some people who need a piece of paper to validate their commitment to each other but I’ll hold off on that. (laughs)

What are your most positive relationships with other women?

My grandmother is a major part of my life. She’s been there for me from the very beginning.

What are your negative?

Don’t have any because I choose to not have negativity surrounding me and my life.

What does the word ‘woman’ mean to you?

Strength, perseverance, intelligence. Loving, caring, loyal.

What are your feelings on monogamy?

I do believe in monogamy with one person, but I also feel as if I have so much love to give that my heart is big enough to love more than one person. From my point of view I am bisexual and couldn’t go the rest of my life without having my lesbian relationships and encounters and, Hell, threesomes.

On polyamory?

I am polyamorous so I definitely believe in having a couple of sexual partners I truly care about.

How do you feel about feminine hygiene products’ portrayal in the media?

I find some of the ads out there are super corny, but I get it! They are trying to appeal to the masses and the younger generation understands that it’s ok to talk about our periods. There are a few commercials I’ve seen lately that have myth busters in the commercials and I think that’s really awesome, because we were taught so many different things growing up and to actually know the truth about what can happen and what these products do is really amazing.

Were you always aware of what your body could do sexually & mechanically?

Fucking right I was! (laughs) I’ve been sexual from a young age. I knew what I liked, didn’t like, wanted and didn’t want.

Do you feel your sexual education was sufficient?

Nope, not at all. I always had more questions than answers and had to find out on my own the hard way.

If not, what would you have done to make it so?

I guess if I had a chance to go back in time knowing what I know now. (laughs) I’m pretty sure my teachers would have a heart attack.

Where do you feel unsafe as a woman?

I always feel unsafe. It’s really messed up. Due to the trauma I’ve suffered as a child I’m always thinking and feeling my abusers will come back one day and I won’t be able to fend them off again. It’s pretty sad.

Where is somewhere you can exist without fear?

When I’m in the gym I am fearless, open and free. Also, when I’m in my dungeon I fear nothing and my subs fear me.

Do women treat you differently than men?

Yes. I feel like women are a tad more sensitive than men. Until they open their mouths! (laughs)

In what ways does being a woman make you vulnerable or exposed?

Stereotypes.

Would you consider yourself a feminist?

I sure do. Girlpower! (laughs)

Do you think the world’s perception of women limits or benefits them?

Depends on the situation. I feel like the world’s perception of women does hinder us in some situations while in others we’re seen as irresistible, strong-willed beings of this earth.

What is your relationship to sex?

I don’t have a sex life right now. I’ve been trying to revamp my life and figure out who I am and what my soul purpose is on this earth.

How do you define sex?

In the past sex was just sex and now I feel like it’s an emotional connection between parties who care deeply for one another and are looking to feel something real.

What does a sexual relationship mean to you?

It means a lot. Before I didn’t care who I lay down with. I mean, I didn’t care what they looked like, where they came from etc. As long as they looked good and we’re packing, it was on. But now I can honestly say I lay down with the wrong person who turned out to be an accused pedophile and serial woman beater. So now I take my sexual connections very seriously.

Do you feel comfortable communicating your sexual needs to a partner?

I am a very open woman and not afraid to voice what I want sexually.

Have you found a balance of fulfillment with your partners?

Not yet. That’s a work in progress.

Do you feel that your desires are marginalized in the bedroom or are less important? If so, why do you think that is?

I take control in the bedroom, so what I say goes.

"I take control in the bedroom, so what I say goes." -Candice Photo by Jennifer Toole

“In the past sex was just sex and now I feel like it’s an emotional connection between parties who care deeply for one another and are looking to feel something real.” -Candice
Photo by Jennifer Toole

Are you fearful of being openly sexual for fear of judgement?

I used to, but then I never got what I wanted, so now I don’t care. Not to say I’m a ho, but sometimes a girl needs what she needs and must voice it.

Have you ever been in a position where your sexuality was used against you?

I live that now. My family can’t come to terms with who I am and what path I’ve chosen in life so I haven’t seen my niece since she was two and she is now seven years old! It’s sad, but what can you do? I can only be me.

Have you ever been physically or verbally threatened because of your appearance?

No.

When you imagine sex, what is the visual/feeling you associate with it?

Oh, I don’t know! (laughs)

Is sex empowering for you?

Very.

Is sex embarrassing for you to discuss?

Not at all. My girlfriends come to me with questions and I’m not ashamed to answer even when I know they are uncomfortable.

Is there anyone in your world you undermine your principles for?

No.

In which situations do you feel safe to speak your mind/stand up for yourself?

All the time. I have no filter.

What do you seek through sex?

Stress relief and once again that emotional connection I spoke of earlier.

How do you feel about the media’s portrayal of women?

I think it’s getting better but that’s just my perception.

Are you satisfied with the women you see depicted in film, television & advertising?

Sometimes.

How do you think the world at large views women?

As play things.

How do you maintain a sense of self?

I can only be me and whether you like it or not I won’t change.

"I can only be me and whether you like it or not I won’t change." -Candice Photo by Jennifer Toole

“I can only be me and whether you like it or not I won’t change.” -Candice
Photo by Jennifer Toole

What is something you deeply love about yourself?

My caring nature and giving heart.

Who are/what are your biggest motivators?

My grandmother and mother.

Do you have people you look up to?

I do.

Do you ever feel overlooked in the workplace because of your gender?

Nope.

Do you find entering the work force as a woman has any bearing on how people will treat you?

I’ve been self employed all my life so I couldn’t answer this. (laughs)

Have you ever experienced sexism or sexual harassment within a workplace?

I have not.

How have you dealt with conflict?

I’ve been in a few fights in my time if that’s what you mean.

Have you ever been verbally abused or threatened because of your gender?

When reading this question my stepfather comes to mind. He was the worst for belittling me and making me feel like a little child.

If so, how did those in your life respond when you told them about it?

My mother was weak and didn’t do anything about it because she was getting the same treatment from my stepfather as well.

What are your feelings on motherhood?

I would love to be a mother one day but I’m still working on me, to become a better woman.

What are you biggest fears?

Not fulfilling my dreams and not becoming the person I set out to be.

Your biggest regrets?

Not listening to myself more about my career choices and body modification choices.

Your greatest accomplishments?

Realizing that I’m better than what I set myself up for. ~